She Came As Kali First

I didn't go looking for Kali. She found me in the middle of a falling apart.

I was living in the south of Spain, in the middle of nowhere, top of a mountain, no running water, solar panels, completely immersed in nature. A version of myself was dissolving. I was grieving things I hadn't even named yet. I was in the middle of a 21-day Sananga practice, and that is a whole other story.

One night after the Sananga I went into meditation and there she was. Kali. Dark skin, wild hair, tongue out, standing on Shiva's chest holding a sword.

I could hear her telling me not to be afraid. That she wasn't destruction, she was liberation. She was there to show me everything that was no longer working, to help my ego let go and set myself free. She also told me the process would be hard, but that she knew I could hold it.

Something in me understood immediately. I was ready to let go of everything I had known up to that moment.

In the next five days my world crumbled. Everything I knew disappeared. I had to leave my work, the place I was living, my friends, everything. It was hard. But I knew it had to happen. And I knew Kali was there, holding my hand, looking at me with her sweet eyes.

That was many years ago. When I look back now I could not be more grateful for her force of liberation. Everything was exactly as it needed to be.

The Hindu goddesses are not distant perfect archetypes. They are living forces, each one a different face of the same infinite energy. Kali clears what no longer belongs. Lakshmi opens the flow of abundance. Durga protects with fierce love. Saraswati lights the path of wisdom and creativity. And Green Tara, beloved in Buddhism, is the mother who comes running the moment you call her.

They are not outside of you. They are qualities already living inside you, waiting to be called on.

I sit with these images not in a religious way, just in a quiet, relational way. What does Saraswati in me want to create? What does Durga in me need to protect?

Pick one that calls to you. Sit with her. Ask what she's here to show you. Let the answer come however it wants.

I'll soon be releasing ways to work with the goddesses more deeply — check the course section to stay updated.